I’ve often wished for a private meditation room in my home, or a nook somewhere just for me. Preferably, with a large bay window facing some form of nature, with lots of bright warm sunshine, and a lot of colorful throw pillows. Somewhere I could go meditate and light a nice aromatic candle of my choice. A place where I can go to read, study, write, be with God, and just enjoy my own company. But, since I don’t currently have that, I find my peace and quiet in my bedroom, or some other part of the house that’s free of noise and people. Sometimes it’s at the downstairs dining room table, or on the living room couch. Once, I even laid out on the floor of my upstairs hallway under the skylight, facing the sun. The best time for me to find peace is early in the morning while everyone is asleep, or anytime when there’s no one home.
Usually, I’ll lie on my plush carpeted floor with a pillow under my head, one under my lower back, and another under my knees. I’ll face my two windows, open the curtains, and pull the blinds up enough for the sun to come through. I’ll position myself right in the direction of its rays, close my eyes, pop in my earbuds and just start off with a guided meditation. First by breathing in and out calmly, and paying attention to my breath as guided. Eventually, my body feels relaxed. I make a conscious effort to relax each limb on my body, almost feeling as if I’m sinking into the floor as taught in my yoga class. From there I focus on the mantra and the words the guide speaks. As the clouds give way to the sun, I can feel it’s warmth radiating all over. Through my eyelids, I can see it’s brightness and sense when it dims. Sometimes it feels like the words of the guide, or the flow of the music correspond with the movement of the clouds. I may be focused on something uplifting, suddenly the sun beams and radiates hotter. Or, the music takes on a lower tone, and the sun dims, my whole body feels cooler.
Prior to this first successful meditation experience, I never felt like I truly accomplished the full connection with my inner self. My goal was to achieve simple relaxation where I could have a few moments of peace and quiet. Sometimes, I would drift off into a light sleep, and maybe once I fell asleep for a few hours. This one morning, I awoke earlier as my husband prepared to leave for work. I stood in bed a little longer, and decided to do the meditation of the day. I got up, got my earbuds and laid right back down with my covers up to my neck. I hit play and followed the guide as I normally do. I felt warm, even though I wasn’t positioned directly in front of my sunny window. At some point I realized that I wasn’t actually thinking anymore, I wasn’t hearing the music in the background, and I wasn’t even in my bed! When I realized this, my mind went back to my own thoughts of trying to relax, and accomplish a “real” meditation; not taking notice that this is exactly what I had just accomplished. Then suddenly the music came on again. Surprisingly, I was able to relax myself again in order to get back to that place.
The place was a wooded area, where tall, dark brown trees stood full of branches and no signs of life. Everything was completely bare, even the ground I stood on. There was no sun, but it wasn’t dark. It seemed like an early morning, and felt like a new day was upon me. I looked up at the trees, then I looked at my surroundings and noticed that I was standing by a table made of yellow birch wood. The wood looked unfinished, as if every piece of the tree was still in tact. You could see the natural grain and all of its imperfections. The table had four legs, each one resembling a small birch log. There were two perfectly matching chairs on opposite ends also made of birch, but no one was seated on them. I didn’t feel any other presence except that of my own. I couldn’t see myself physically as I walked towards the table, but I was aware of myself and what I was doing. I looked around and tried to figure out where I was, thinking maybe I was at a park somewhere. I saw that the table was positioned on dirt, and noticed that the dirt was combed flat and circular. The tall dark trees encircled the area and cast their shadows over the table. This table seemed so significant, but why?
Along with being mystified, I was excited. My conscious acknowledged that I must have finally succeeded in “true” meditation. However, each time I had this realization, I would leave that place and go right back into my own thoughts, knowing that I was really laying in my own bed, trying to meditate. I was able to go back to that place about two times, then I lost complete focus. I was kind of annoyed with myself for getting too excited, maybe even scared. I had never experienced such a beautiful place of inner peace. All I want to do now is master how to get back there everyday, for just a few minutes. I haven’t meditated that deeply since, but I certainly plan on taking the steps needed to continue building on that experience.
Strangely, a week after, I was tuned into one of my favorite spiritually based T.V. shows. I saw what seemed to be a close representation of the place I had experienced in my meditation. I had never seen this episode prior, but I got excited and had to explain everything to my skeptic husband who was watching the show with me. There were differences for sure; like the trees in this image were just as tall and dark, but they were full not bare. You could see the sun peeking through the leaves. Maybe it was a different time of day, or a different season. The ground wasn’t filled with dirt, it looked more like dead leaves or mulch. The table was set in the same distance from the trees, but this table was made of a gray stone or concrete, not yellow birch wood. It was round with a smooth top surface, but still kind of rigid looking. There were also two chairs; except the chairs weren’t really chairs. They were seats made of rock boulders; finished stone, smooth enough to sit on. On each boulder sat a person; Oprah Winfrey on one chair, and opposite of her was author Cheryl Strayed discussing her new book,Wild. Needless to say I was intrigued. I later researched the location, and found that the interview was filmed at Oprah’s home, in her front yard. How weird I thought, that it resembled my own inner quiet place.
Instead of dwelling on the strange connection, I just feel grateful that I succeeded in a powerful meditation experience. I’ll continue seeking that inner peace, this forest of mystery, and the beauty of nature. Humbled by the knowledge that for once, I was able to feel my own essence without any distractions from the outside world.
Christina Santos 